I have a very important question that keeps bothering me. Why is it that the husband is put very high in the wife's life amost close to divine while the wife is not that high in her husband's life? I don't mean emotionally but just in terms of duties. I mean, all the husband has to do for his wife is to cloth her and feed her in the same quality he does for himself, be nice to her, not hit her on the face (which means that he can hit her somewhere else) and sleep with her a minum of once a month. While the wife has to obey her husband (that's very hard for a woman like me. If I see that my husband opinion is plain stupid, and cause more problems than it solves, I simply wouldn't be able to do it not leave a house without his permission (that gives a lot of pain and low selfesteem) and should be very concerned about keeping him happy to the maximum and not only be nice to him as in the case of the husband because he is her way to heaven and she almost has to prostrate and worship her husband (a hadith) (isn't that close to taking other gods beside God to get close to Him? That really bothers me because it reminds me of the polythism of pre-islam era where people thought that they cannot please God directly but it should be through other 'gods'. Also, a wife should always be ready to fullfill her husband sexually even if she is angry with him or if he has been a bad husband in her opinion, while the husband can use not fullfilling his wife's desires as a way to discipline her (according to his discretion) and she cannot do that, as if he doesn't err or that he wouldn't ever deserve that kind of discipline. Also, that makes the wife a body without feelings when she has to submit to her husband without desire and even if she hated him at times. Also, that's all in addition to taking care of the house and the kids which is not an easy thing to do and most people know that raising up children is harder than any job. Even if she is working, she still has to do these things so it is not a question of hardship of taking care of the expenses.
In addition to all that he can hit her as a little child if he THINKS that she is being a bad wife (yeah, after talking and not sleeping with her blah blah blah....) but what does a bad wife mean? It could be simply going out shopping without telling him or not willing to sleep with him when she is tired or doesn't have a desire or if she doesn't obey him in some matters, maybe because she has a better widom and sees his opinion as childish or stupid. What is the merit of a man that makes his opinion have more credibility than the wife's opinion? What if this woman is actually a professor at the university while he doesn't have even a university degree? Do you think it is a good thing for a grade 12 graduate to his and order around a PhD holder because it happened that he is a man and she is a woman?
If we don't trust the woman in her opinions and thinking in general, how come we trust her in raising up generations? Or obedience just another way to keep the husband happy regardless of his opinion being good for the well-being of the family or not?
You might say that a woman that loves her husband will do all of that out of love, but everyone of us has a different way to express his/her love and I don't see in obedience but in mutual compromise. Also, these are obligations that supposely the wife has to do whether or not she is inclined to do so by love or not.
Doesn anyone has an answer? Are women inferior to men? Or should the wife sell her personality in exchange for the husband spending on her? Is any amount of money worth almost prostrating to a husband? I wonder.
My personal point of view that there must be some hadiths or rules that didn't really reach us that puts the woman at the same level of respect by deeds and not by words only as a man in their husband/wife life. Also, by saying that the husband is a way to heaven or hell, I think it is because women traditionally spent most of their time dealing with their husbands hence, it represents how she treats others normally. At this time and age, women are dealing with many people as men, so really, dealing with these people can be a way to heaven or hell as a general conduct of a perosn would determine that. Remember that a woman went to hell because she didn't treat a cat well? That shows that it means a general conduct and not specifically pretains to husbands as many people would like it to seem. I might be able to get to reasonable conclusions using this logic and trusting that God doesn't intend to demean women, so it must be something missing here, but I would appreciate any answers from you.
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