Peace and blessing be upon all of you
I am sorry to have to write this thread at English language. I have an Arabic Keyboard but I'm seeking educational advices from only educated members. In addition, I have some friends and relatives who visit this forum very often if I wrote in Arabic, they would recognize me for sure. I am 19 years old. I am suffering from many problems. I have failed at my studying. I have a very low self-confidence and low self-esteem. When anyone talks to me I blush. I am sad for myself. When I was born I found myself in my step mother's hands. She was a very cruel woman. I remember when she has came to my room and yelled at me, told me that I am not good and beaten me. I remember how my father has not protected me, how it happened again and again. I remember the fear, the sheer, undiluted terror, as each blow would come down upon me. She would beat me for no good reason other than because she could. And she would tell me that I am no good, that I am a bad girl. I could never understand why I am bad. I have just accepted that I am, for my mother (as I thought) told me so. I am always, in my own mind, not quite good enough. I always have to prove to myself that I am okay but ever since my step mother has first beaten me, I have never been able to completely respect myself. I'm lost. Although my step mother has passed away years ago after years of suffering from chronic disease, yet I still feel like I am being beaten. When she died, it seemed to me that the misery of the past was at last behind me. A new life could begin. For a time, the future seemed bright. But when I failed it is as if she reaches out of her grave and curses me, as if I will never escape her cruelty as long as I live. I feel as if she has won, has destroyed me after her death. I could still hear her voice, across all the years, the voice I used to hear screaming at me when I was a little girl. I remember the way she used to bring out the belt, the way she used to let it swing from one hand, the way she used to show the belt to me before the beating comes. I remember shaking my head, shaking my head and crying. I cowered in the corner of my bedroom, behind the bed. I cried out for my father, but he never came. There was always only she, pulling me out from my hiding place and standing me in the middle of the room. She was a big woman. I remember her big hands, how her big left hand used to clamp onto my left shoulder and hold me, standing there, where she could beat me best. I remember the pain, the inescapable pain, as the belt whipped down onto me. I remember how the pain used to go past the point where I was still even fully conscious. I used to have nightmares about that pain, and about how I would never know when my step mother would take it upon herself to tell me that I haven't been good, no matter how good I have been. I was always never quite good enough, no matter how perfect a child I tried to be. There was no way to please her. And then the pain would come again, and that hand crushing my shoulder
Sometimes I think that my step mother was right. I am not good enough. I will never going to learn how to get life right and there is no way for someone like me to succeed. I was fired from collage this year. I can't go in this life. I've tried my best, truly I have, but nothing is enough. I've failed at my studying, and there is nothing else for me
I have nightmares. I see my step mother. At night, she still comes to beat me. Even now that she has been dead many years, she still comes, in my mind, in my nightmares. You know how much I hate her but maybe she was right about me. I wish I was a better person, and that there was a future for me but I'm not and there isn't any future. I know you won't understand that, but there's nothing left for me now. I am sad. I don't not hate myself so very much that I will consent to live a life of misery, and a life of misery is all that I can see ahead of me. I am sad. I am so pathetic. Please don't leave me alone. I feel so alone
With much respect
A beautiful girl with burned fingers

الله يطول عمرك مافهمت ولا كلمه ترجمي مشان اساعدك000

لا أستطيع لي أصحاب وأقارب يزورون المنتدى سوف يعرفون من أنا لو كتبت بالعربية أنا آسفه ولكن احتاج لشخص يفهمني ويفهم قصتي الحزينة

حبيبتى فى الله لقد قرات قصتك واثرت فى كثيرا وتعليقى عليها
والدتك رحمها الله ولكن لا توجد ام لا تحب ابنائها وبالطبع والدتك كانت تحبك وتريدك من افضل الاشخاص ربما اخطات فى الطريقة التى حاولت ان تقومك بها ربما كان عليها ان تتفهم طبيعة شخصيتك اولا وتتعامل معها بما يلائمها لكن والله اختى حينما كنت صغيرة وكانت والدتى تعاقبنى على شئ ما فعلته كنت اقول لنفسى ان والدتى تظلمنى وانها قاسية على لم اكن متفهمة لعقابها لم اكن انظر الى اخطائى بقدر ما انظر الى عقاب والدتى لكن والله حينما تزوجت وانجبت ابنتى حينما تفعل شئ يستفزنى اتذكر والدتى واقول لنفسى والله يا امى كان لديك حق فى عقابى
وان كنت تعتبرين ان والدتك قد تركت فى نفسك اثار سلبية فهى قد رحلت الان الى دار الحق عليكى ان تثبتى لنفسك ولوالدتك لانى واثقة انها تشعر بك انك افضل بكثير مما كانت تظن كل منا خلقه الله بميزة او اكثر عليك ان تبحثى فى ذاتك على الجوانب الايجابية وتحاولين تنميتها فيما يتعلق بدراستك انت لست فاشلة كما تعتقدين ربما الظروف المحيطة بك لم تهيئ لك الجو المناسب للنجاح عليكى الا تستسلمى حاولى مرارا ومرارا سوف تنجحين الاصرار على تحقيق الحلم سيجعله حقيقة استعينى بمن تثقين بهم ولا تجعلين الياس وفقدان الثقة بالنفس يسطر عليكى اقهرى ذاتك الضعيفة لقد اختارك الله ان تشرفى بخلقه لك فعليك ان تستفيدى من تلك النعمة وان تكونين عند حسن ظن خالقك بك
ارجو ان اكون قد خففت عليك وان اكون وفقت فى رايى
احبك فى الله

كان بودي اساعدك بقدر استطاعتي اختي لكن لااجيد الانجليزي كثيرا الله يعينك ويساعدك وتنحل مشكلتك

الله يساعدك حبيبتي

بصرا حة أنا ما أجيد اللغة الأنجليزية

بس اللي فهمته انك عانيتي

الله يساعدك يا قلبي

Dear little girl with burned fingers, I think a girl who can express her pain and her emotions and her self in a good English is a bright girl J so don’t underestimate your self.
As I understood that your step mom was very cruel and she was like a giant monster she was beating you for no reason this is from your point of view as a little girl you tried to be good for her standers but it was never good enough but maybe what you didn’t know was her point of view she was beating you out of fear.
I think she was really scared of you to beat you that hard she was scared of your existence of your being a girl of another women and maybe of being smarter and younger and more beautiful than her that reminds her of your mother and she can’t compete to that in the eyes of your father so she express her fear by beating.
Now after all this years and she was struggling from chronic diseases believe me she got her punishment very well if not here on our earth now she is in God hands and believe me she can’t reach from the grave to reach you she is now punished because of you.
For her not taking a good care of an orphan little girl and mistreated her that is really big and dreadful so her punishment in the grave is not easy.
I don’t know if you are muslim but I think you should know that everything is written in destiny will happen to you and by the end you won you are still alive and you have a lot of thing to thank your god for being in good health is one of them.
Now we come to your studies there are some ppl who are not good in study they are just born like that so if you are not a study ambition person type don’t blame your stem mother on that, but if your good before and you passed school very fine that means you were very interested in your study so either the field you picked is not of your interest or you are letting her control even after everything is gone now.
You should occupy your self with activities and pray and pick something you like to do most and do it put a goal for you in life and try to reach.
I can write for ever but you should also try and consult a pshyatrist to help you even if it is by medicine to get out of this, don’t you have a relative who cares about you like an aunt who can help, or even a brother or sister you seem too alone in your letter.

قرأت قصتك تأثرت بها جدا
انت مازلتي صغيرة والايام قدامك
لازم تحاولي تطلعي من الجو الي انت فيه
وزوجة ابوكي الي كانت سيئة معط
خلص راحت وماتت
اتحرري من كلامها
اتحرري من المها
حاولي تنسي
ممكن تشوفي اخصائي نفسي او اجتماعي
حاولي تفضفضي لصديقاتك او حد مقرب كتير
انا مش عارفة كيف ساعدك بس بدي اقلك انو لازم تحاولي كتير انو هيك تصحي يوم وتقرري داخلك تتغيري
ثققي بنفسك انت بنت ماناقصك شي
يعني برمجي حالك ذاتيا
اوقفي قدام المراية واحكي بثقة
انا حلوة انا بنت كويسة انا مافيه ناقصني
انا ذكية
وحاولي تنطلقي بالحياة
بعدين لاقلك شي
الانجليزي تبعك ماشاء الله كتيييييييييير حلو وقوي
يعني انت اشطر مني
انا مخلصة جامعة بس انت اشطر مني بالانجليزي
ازا انت شاطرة فيه
ليش ماتدرسيه
؟والله انك ذكية بس بحاجة تدعمي نفسك شوي
حرام تظلمي نفسك هيك
حاولي تصير واثقة وانسانة ناجحة عارفة ليش؟
عشان تكبري وتتزوجي وتجيبي بنات واولاد وتعامليهم معاملة طيب وتربيهم عالثقة وحب الحياة وانو يعرفو قيمة حالهم
صح؟
مش انت مدايقة عشان ماحد كان يشجعك؟انت شجعي حالك عشان لما تتزوجي تعطي اطفالك الاشي الي كنتي تتمنيه دايما
وتحققي املك بالحياة فيهم
الله يخليكي ويسعدك
نفسي اقلك شي تاني بس مش عارفة كيف اقنعك
الله يوفقك امين

Sadness' tears

اختى وحبيبتى الصغيره الجميله
قصتك فعلا تدل على انك مريتى بحاجات واللهى اى واحده فينا كانت مرة بيها مكنتشى تستحملها اد ايه انتى قويه وفعلا مش فاشله
اللى عاوزه اقوله انتى ليه شايفه نفسك فاشله ؟؟؟؟؟؟
انا مستغربه انك شايفه نفسك كدا
طبيعى اللى يحصلوا اللى كان بيحصلك من مرات ابوكى كان لازم حياتوا فى الاول بعد موتها وقبل موتها تنهار طبيعى انما لما ربنا يريحك منها تدورى عليها انتى فى احلامك وفى خيلاتك وتسمعى كمان صوتها التفكير مش هيرجع حاجه انسيها.... يوم القيامه بس اللى لازم تفتكريها لان هى دى اللى هدخلك الجنه بأفعلها معاكى
اما موضوع الحياء والكسوف ...دى احلى صفه ربنا ادهالك سدأينى الحياء احلى صفه البنت تخدها ولو كان ذايد حاولى تجمعى مع اصدقائك واهلك ادخلى هنا وقولى رأيك بصراحه فينا وفى كلام البنات مره فى مره هتلاقى نفسك اتجرأتى بالحد المطلوب واللى يريحك .
اما بخصوص الدراسه ....
عاوزه اؤلك ان فى بنات كتير عايشيين مع اهلهم وفشلوا فى الدراسه سنه واتنين وتلاته لاكن بيجى عليهم وقت يقفوا وقفه مع نفسهم ويكونوا احسن من ناس كتير ولو حتى مجاش الوقت دا عادى الدنيا مش دراسه الدنيا فيها حاجات اكتر واحلى من الدراسه .
مش معنى انك تفشلى فى حاجه واحده انك فاشله خالص لاءه طبعا انتى ممكن ملقتيش نفسك فى الدراسه ممكن تلاقى نفسك فى حاجه تانيه بعدين مش يمكن مش خير ليكى انك تنجحى فى دراسة فن التصوير انا اعرف ان التصوير حرام شوفتى انتى لو كنتى نجحتى كنتى ممكن تشتغلى وتضيعى وقت دلراستك فى حاجه حرام او مش مفيده فى الدنيا مش يمكن ربنا من حبوا فيكى مش عاوزك تزعليه وعاوزك تتجهى لحاجه تانيه انتى مش شيفاها ؟
خلى تكالك ديما على ربنا
كل اللى عاوزه اقوله متشقيش على نفسك اكتر من كدا كفايه العذاب اللى انتى شوفتى انتى كدا بدل مبترتاحى بموت الست اللى اكيد بتاخد عقبها دلواتى اشد عقاب عند ربنا واللى هتيجى يوم القيامه ربنا يوقفها ادامك عشان بس تغفرلها او تسمحيها ولو حتى غلطه واحده وهتتوسل اليكى وبكره تشوفى ربنا هياخد ليكى حقك اذاى
شيليها من دماغك خالص دى ادنى من انك حتى تفتكريها خلى احلامك كلها احلام حلوه من ربنا قربى لربنا اكتر اكيد هو دا ملاذك الوحيد والوحيد اللى يقدر يسعدك هو ربنا مش حد مننا
اه لو تعرفى دلواتى ربنا هيعوضك اذاى عن اللى جرالك ولو مكنشى هيعوضك فى دنيتك اكيد هيبأ فى اخرتك لان احلى حاجه فى الدنيا متجيش جزء او ذره من اللى فى الاخره
ارضى ربنا وسيبيها لله ومتضيعيش نفسك اكتر من كدا خلى ديما توكلك على ربنا وسيبيها لله ادخلى هنا النافذه وشوفى مشاكل الناس ( اللى بيشوف بلاوى الناس تهون عليه بلوتوا )
والهى انا لما حاجه بديقنى وبدخل لنافذه هنا سدأينى برتاح دا وبحس انى نسيت نفسى معاهم ونسيت كل اللى بيديأنى .
يارب يارب يارب يفرج همومك ويبعد عنك الشيطان ووساوس اليطان ويحميكى ويرزقك الزوج الصالح اللى يعوضك عن اللى شوفتيه ويهديكى ويهدى كل البنات اللى فى سنك يارب
اقولى امين
على فكره يشرفنى انك تكونى صديقه مش بس اخت
ردى عليا هستنى ردك .

عزيزتي habebatark
هي ليست امها بل زوجة ابيها.